I'll Never Let You Go
by Talented Torture
Summary: Schuldig wants a child more than anything in the world...when Brad repeatedly says no and really means it, Schuldig becomes very upset. Meanwhile Nagi is suffering from nightmares when he sleeps finally he becomes desperate to get some sleep but what does


"Please Brad?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Brad….please? you have no idea how much I want this. Think about it! For once we can help a life… rather than destroy it. Don't you think that would be wonderful?" Brad took off his glasses and looked at Schuldig who was sitting across from him on the coffee table. "Yes…Schuldig I do….but we simply cant afford it. Children take time…money…and care that we just cant give. We're assassins Schul…it would be BEYOND idiotic to bring a child into this house. Children are helpless. What do you think would happen if we were attacked while we were here? With a child here… The child could be hurt, kidnapped or worse yet killed."  
  
Schuldig looked down and let his hair cover his eyes. It wasn't long before tears fell from his eyes and splashed down on his hands. "Forget it Schuldig. You're not going to make me feel guilty for this one." Brad said raising the newspaper up again, creating a paper barrier between them.   
  
Nagi who had been standing in the doorway munching on chips frowned. Even though Schul was a daily annoyance for the young assassin he still felt sorry for him.   
  
Day in and day out the four members of Schwarz killed maimed and wounded anyone Takatori pointed his finger at. It practically never ended. As Nagi watched Schuldig stand and walk dejectedly up the stairs he wondered to himself when one of the four of them would ever get something THEY wanted for once.   
  
With a sigh Nagi left the living room and headed to the kitchen to put the chips away. After that he too went upstairs and went to bed.   
  
~*~  
  
Late, late, late that night everyone was asleep in their rooms. Downstairs Farfarello was sprawled out across his cot in the basement, drooling. Upstairs Crawford was curled on his side with his crushed velvet comforter in his king sized bed. Schuldig was across the hall from him in his queen sized bed under a patchwork quilt with wool blanket on top, snoring.  
  
And at the end of the main hall upstairs, Nagi was lying tangled in the blankets on his twin sized bed, thrashing. Occasionally he would whimper or let a sob escape his lips. Finally the telekinetic jumped and startled awake. He sat up in bed and turned to his left. With a flick of the hand his light turned on.   
  
Nagi took a deep breath and leaned back against the bed's headboard. He drew his knees up to his chest and laid his head on them with a yawn. 'Nightmare's again….Fuck.' he thought.  
  
Nagi forced himself to stay awake for the rest of the night. He forbade himself from moving until he heard someone else making noise in another part of the house.   
  
At 6:42 he heard a door close and the shower turn on. Nagi deducted that with whoever it was in the shower, if he ventured out of his room now…he'd still be alone, so he decided to wait until whoever it was got done and came out.   
  
Less than 10 minutes later the shower turned off. Nagi yawned and walked downstairs. Crawford always took short showers so it must be him in the bathroom.   
  
Nagi stood on his tip toes and reached for the cereal in the top cabinet of the kitchen cupboards. It was just inches beyond his reach. Too lazy to go get a chair, he sat back flat on his feet and stared up at the box. He concentrated and soon the box slid itself from the shelf and floated down stopping at Nagi's eye level. Brad entered the kitchen at that moment looking at his watch.   
  
Quickly Nagi reached out and snatched the box and set it hastily on the counter. He then paused and waited for the reprimanding to begin. When none came Nagi slumped and sighed. 'PHEW! Good….Crawford didn't see that…he'd kill me if I used my powers for something so stupid.'  
  
"Nagi?" Nagi's hair bristled. 'Uh-Oh'  
  
"…Hai Crawford sama?"  
  
"You know why you are being addressed Nagi." Said Crawford fixing himself some coffee. "Right…I know…but it's Schuldig's FAULT…if he'd stop putting the box-"  
  
"What's my fault bishounen?" Nagi turned his attention to the doorway where a haggard looking Schuldig was standing, vibrant orange hair jutting in all directions. "Well if you would shut up and let me finish you'd know." Nagi sneered eating a handful of cereal out of the box. Schul was about to say something that already had him grinning, but thank the gods Crawford interjected.   
  
"Both of you stop its too early to start the bickering. "Fine, fine…" Schuldig said waving his hand limply at Crawford. He then proceeded to shuffle up to the kitchen island counter and hop up on it. But it wasn't long before the group realized that something was missing. Crawford was sitting at the table in the small kitchen alcove reading a week old newspaper. He knew what was going on but he kept silent. Schuldig and Nagi needed to learn how to solve conflicts on their own. So he sipped his coffee and kept with what he was doing.   
  
"Hey….it seems too quiet around here this morning." Nagi was about to retort with a comment about the redhead running his mouth constantly but his eyes traveled to the counter across from the island where he was standing. The blender was sitting there…Untouched. Unused. And lacking tomato puree slop. Schul saw it too. Like clockwork Nagi and Schuldig looked at each other.   
  
"FREEBIES!!" they both yelled at the same time, each trying to say it before the other. "FREEBIES!!" they yelled louder trying again. Once again they said it at the same time. "FREEBIES,FREEBIES,FREEBIES!!!" Same time. Same time. Same time. Nagi growled. "Stop saying freebies you baka!"   
  
"ME?? What about YOU bishounen??"  
  
"You go…" Nagi said scowling. "Nein! You go!" Schul protested. "Rock paper scissors?"  
  
"Deal." Schuldig nodded and brought out his fist. "Rock, paper, scissors SHOOT." They chanted waving their fists up and down. Nagi landed with paper, Schuldig with rock.   
  
Schul slumped. "Fich! You owe me bishounen…" the redhead mumbled hopping off the counter and walking out the kitchen door to go downstairs and let Farfarello out. Nagi made sure to think quite loudly. 'I think not.'  
  
That afternoon was a rather calm one. Common things were going on and everything was quiet. Well…that is if you ignore the blender whirring, Nagi typing on his laptop in the corner, CNN broadcasting the news across from the couch where Crawford was sitting, and Schuldig sighing twice every five minutes. He was waiting for the daily 4:00 news to be over so he could talk to Crawford.   
  
When it was over he got up out of his chair and sat next to Crawford on the couch. Crawford ignored him. "Brad?"  
  
"Hmm?" he asked still watching the TV. Schuldig sweatdropped. "Um…can you look at me for a sec…I wanna talk to you." Crawford sighed. "You're not going to convince me to let you have a child Schuldig. This is not like asking for a puppy. This is a serious matter. And it's a serious matter that I am definitely saying no to. DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND. ME??"  
  
Schuldig stared at Crawford for a moment and Nagi turned around to see what was going on when he heard no response from the redhead. He could see the flames radiating from Schuldig. "ICH HASS DICH!!" he then got up and stormed up the stairs. "What did you just say to me Schuldig?" Schul ignored him and kept going up the steps. "SCHULDIG!"  
  
"Figure it out by yourself you heartless BASTARD!" Nagi made a surprised face and prayed for Schul's sake that Crawford didn't go upstairs and punch the shit out of him.  
  
At 9:43 that night Nagi finished his report for cram school and he stood and stretched, causing his stomach to show out from under his school uniform. With a yawn he closed his laptop and went upstairs to get ready for bed.   
  
At the top of the stairs he looked to his left at Schuldig's room. He was surprised to find that the door was part way open. As the young assassin walked past he glanced inside the room.   
  
His heart sank at what he saw. Schuldig was loosely curled on his side facing away from the door backwards on his bed. He was sobbing and using the sleeve of his oversized shirt to muffle the sounds.   
  
With a sympathetic smile that only he knew about Nagi turned and headed off to his own room to get some sleep.   
  
Once again late that night Nagi awoke in a cold sweat. The nightmares were flooding his mind again. Afraid to settle back down and close his eyes he forced himself to stay awake all night. Again.   
  
The next morning at school Nagi fell asleep in class. A first for him. He woke up when the bell rang and once everyone had filed out the door the teacher kept Nagi for a moment to lecture him.   
  
At lunch Nagi laid out his sack of homemade food with tired eyes and then told himself he would pause only for a second before eating.   
  
That second turned into the entire lunch period because the moment Nagi's eyes gently shut, he had fallen asleep again.   
  
After school Nagi climbed onto his bus and forced himself to stay awake. 'It's daytime…so I should be able to take a nap when I get home.' He thought. Once the bus had made its other stops Nagi's stop came up and he dragged himself from his seat and walked down the sidewalk to the house.   
  
When he came in he kicked off his shoes and dropped his book bag next to them. He then stepped into the living room surprised to find Brad dragging a suitcase down the stairs. THUMP… THUMP… THUMP!  
  
The sound hurt Nagi's ears so he lifted it down the stairs with his powers if only to get the racket to stop. "Thank you Nagi. I have a conference to go to in Osaka. I'll be gone for a week or two. You're in charge while I'm gone. Keep an eye on Schuldig, make sure Farfarello doesn't puree all the tomatoes….and be sure to have him locked up by 10…11 at the latest. There's money in my dresser upstairs. That's for you and you only to spend, preferably on food. Schuldig is not to leave the house, and neither is Farf. Try not to eat a ton of junk food…Schuldig too. Now, I have to get going. Farfarello is in the basement. The door is unlocked and that's fine for now but don't forget what time I said to lock him up. You have my cell number…ummm….Oh! Schuldig is sulking in the kitchen. You should check on him soon."  
  
"Why is he sulking?"  
  
"I don't have the time to tell you Nagi I have to be going. Get the story from him. He should be done bleeding by now. Last time I saw him he was taking a pain pill."  
  
"For wha-"   
  
"Gotta go! Bye Nagi!" with that Brad walked past the telekinetic dragging his suitcase behind him and with that…he disappeared out the front door.   
  
After Crawford was gone Nagi went and locked the front door, making sure to pocket the key. He then traveled into the kitchen to find Schuldig sitting at a stool hanging over the trashcan. Blood was dripping into it from his nose. He was breathing through his mouth. "God Schul…what did you do this time?" Nagi asked. Like he didn't already know. "He fucking punched me!" Nagi remembered how upset Schuldig was last night and decided to just leave the subject alone and not comment. He walked over to the sink and grabbed a tissue, wadded it up and handed it to Schul. The redhead took it and pressed it to his nose as he tilted his head back. When Nagi turned to do something else Schuldig began to cough.  
  
Nagi came back over and pushed Schul's head so it was upright. "You're not supposed to tilt your head back cuz the blood rolls back into your mouth." Nagi pointed to the trash can. "Spit." Schuldig did as he was told and let Nagi stand there next to him. Nagi could see that the light in the German's eyes was gone. He looked so depressed. Nagi was sure he FELT just the same as he looked.   
  
Just then Nagi yawned really loud and Schul looked up at him. "Tired Bishounen?" In mid yawn Nagi nodded. When he opened his eyes they were watery. He wiped his eyes and looked down at Schuldig. "Come on…let's go in the living room. I'm gunna watch TV and you're gunna lay down.  
  
So Nagi followed the tall redhead into the living room. Once Schuldig was seated at one end of the couch he pointed at the stairs. "Go get some sleep Nagi." Nagi's tired eyes traveled to the stairs…then to the couch where Schuldig was seated. He decided that he was too exhausted to lug himself up the stairs too exhausted to even use his powers to get himself up to his room. So he shuffled over to the couch and collapsed onto it using Schuldig's leg as a pillow. Schul looked down at Nagi with a worried glance and left it at that.   
  
Less than a half hour after Nagi collapsed he began to turn his head and whimper. Schul looked away from the TV and down at Nagi. He watched the young boy hoping that the nightmare would go away by itself. When it seemed clear that it would go on for some time Schuldig brushed Nagi's hair away from his forehead and placed his hand over it.   
  
After a moment Nagi began to calm down and stop his whimpering. When he was completely relaxed, Schuldig came back to the land of the living and went back to watching TV.   
  
At 7:30 that night Nagi awoke and sat up. Something smelled really good. He noted that Schuldig was gone and attributed the noises and delicious smells coming from the kitchen to that fact. He got up and walked into the kitchen and found Schul at the stove cooking what looked like vegetable soup. He even recruited Farfarello to chop the veggies.   
  
After the three ate dinner Nagi sat down to do his homework feeling a little bit better after his short nap. Once that was done he took a shower and went into his room to get ready for bed.   
  
Schuldig was in his room sobbing again. This time he didn't need help from Crawford to get the tears rolling. 'Something must have made him upset…But what?' Nagi thought. If he only knew that it was him that triggered it by being so nice to Schul today.  
  
That night was the same as the last few lately for the young telekinetic. He would thrash, cry and whimper until he awoke in a cold sweat panting. He would then be too shaken up to go back to sleep and would force himself to stay awake all night long. Schuldig wasn't getting much sleep either. Sure he was getting a lot more than Nagi but he was still tired and very depressed from crying himself to a fitful sleep every night.   
  
For the rest of that week the same thing would happen to Nagi every single night. He was starting to look worse and worse.  
  
He had dark circles under his eyes and was jumpy and cranky with Schuldig and Farfarello. But the other two Schwarz members just chalked it up to school stress. They didn't even notice when Nagi started shaking every time he would lift something or hold his hands over the computer keyboard.  
  
Schuldig did practiacally nothing but mope or sulk and it was starting to drive EVERYONE crazy….some tears here….an hour of sighing and whining there. One can only take so much. And one day Nagi told him so. "Schul! Stop WHINING! That's all you do you're so annoying!!" Schuldig looked at him for a good two minutes before the tears welled up in his eyes and he took a deep shaky breath. "Your right…"  
  
"What?"   
  
"You're right…I cant do anything right…I annoy you guys to no end…I don't deserve to be here….I don't even deserve the one thing I want most! THAT"S WHY GOD WONT LET ME HAVE A CHILD I DON'T DESERVE IT!" Schul stomped out of the room sobbing and locked himself in the den to wallow in his own self pity for a while.   
  
Schuldig was totally blind to Nagi's suffering and had no idea that the boy woke every night and began to cry because he was so tired. And Nagi had no idea how Schul was feeling…The boy was getting desperate to find some way to get some sleep.  
  
That night once everyone present in the house had gone to sleep Nagi had fallen into the throws of a deep dark slumber complete with a particularly terrifying nightmare. His heart was pounding and sweat was beginning to soak his hair.   
  
Down the hall Schuldig was lying in bed with his lowlight on beside his bed, just staring at the ceiling. 'To the child I'll never have…I hope someone who deserves you will take care of you and never let you go. You deserve a life much better than I could give you…. all children do…Goodbye…'   
  
Back in Nagi's room the boy jumped and sat up in bed. He had dreamed that the darkness had entered each of their rooms and slowly killed each and every member of Schwarz in a very grotesque and painful manner.   
  
Just then some junk in Nagi's closet shifted and pushed the door open in the dark.Nagi screamed and shot out of his bed and sprinted across the dark hall. He stopped at the end of the hall, his eyes blurred with tears and threw open Schuldig's door. Without so much as a second thought he scrambled across the room and dove onto the queen sized bed sobbing. He collapsed next to Schuldig and buried his face in the German's chest, gripping his torso tightly with his arm. "SCHUL! DON'T LET ME GO! PLEASE! I-I don't wanna be alone!! I don't wanna be alone anymore! I cant stand it! Please let me stay here!" Nagi was trembling very hard.   
  
Schuldig wrapped his blanket around Nagi's small body and rubbed his hand back and fourth across his back with a worried look on his face. He was finally beginning to understand what was going on with the bishounen. "Please Schul…please keep me safe…"  
  
With Shimmering eyes Schul stared down at the boy before he realized that all this time there was a child that needed taking care of right in front of him. After choking out a sob Schul mumbled. "I'll never let you go…"  
  
Owari 


End file.
